Interpreter of Maladies
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Time-the omniscient healerTragedies don't always pass away unknowingly. Maybe the time for which they last, might just be a moment; but the shock of the event leaves you in a time warp that you never get out of. I have struggled with tragedies and due to the strong nostalgia that I carry with me, it becomes even more difficult to forgive or forget. Its been four months since I experienced the shock and pain of death. I was unprepared and quite naive to handle it. I was supposed to act matured but I guess my limited understanding of life failed me then.
I remember getting the fatal phone call, feeling the churning in my belly and just wishing all was well. Making the journey back home was the most painful travel that I have ever went through and then the dawning of the reality that everything was finished long before I arrived. Huh, so are the mysteries of life and the vaccuum that engulfs you when the full circle is done. It was odd-when everybody expected you to act all grown up and support your family-when you are struggling with your own grief; struggling to suppress the pain which will never go away.
I think normalcy resumed after a while; I could see routines falling into place. But, the wound remained and the time somebody touched it; I could see fresh blood on the gash.
Four months. It doesn't even seem like so much time has passed away since it happened. My personal struggle ranged from calming people around me to smothering the child inside me-who was suffering every minute-suffering the loss of a vital connection to childhood.
People tell me that time heals. Through time and over periods, I would learn to forget what was once, a living reality. Maybe they are right, time might heal the pain, but the emptiness, the vaccum, the vacant bench-that will never go away.
