Interpreter of Maladies
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Just my luckI was never a big believer in luck. Good or bad. I believed in people, myself, hard work and the "tit for tat" theory. All this was until I met Mr. Bad Luck. In the US, our meeting wasn't at the best of times. And I wish I had more to say to him rather than "what Bad Luck" from time to time. And those three four weeks of sheer Bad Luck made me come face to face with this big mysterious word called Luck. Is my luck good? Or its that of an average person? Is it predecided, what would happen to me in future? Is it written somewhere between the lines on my palm? And if it is so, do I want to know it?
What if I knew where I would be 10 years from now? The blue eyed prince of my dreams would marry someone else. The big fat paycheck job I have been so proud of would be stolen away from me. So many What ifs. And what if I knew I will be the happiest person on earth? Would I still resist the temptation of knowing it? Why should one not know the future? Is it because it reduces your effort function in the present day or it takes away your motivation to even try for something better.
I have been trying to tackle this question since sometime and yet haven't got an answer. There is this funny movie on the same theme starring Lindsay Lohan that I saw back in the US. It talks about a woman who has this great luck before she meets someone and loses it all. Funny story and pretty naive movie. But it still makes me think deeper into the question of future and all its ramifications. What if I knew?
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
My 2 words on rejectionWell. I thought I will write this sooner or later. But wanted to come out of the hangover first. Rejection is a nasty thing. More so when you have been ultra sure of yourself and it hits you right in the face. I have been a lucky individual. I have been able to get things without much murky ditches to cross. I thought it was a pattern and got comfortable. What happened this summer is enough to shake my high headedness at least. It is kind of a reality check though. I was afraid I would not be able to handle it and the reaction early on was that of breakdown. It seemed I was blaming myself and drowning in self guilt. For a day or two it seemed all eyes were fixated on me. Everyone was questioning me, asking me for reasons, explanations. I wanted to run away to people who know me the most. But then that would be cowardice and no, I did not want to be coward, not yet.
Looking back two weeks, it seems all happens for some purpose, some higher aim. Whatever happened to me was more because of myself so why was I blaming the world around me. I still have a happy life, friends who care, people to love, my parents to cherish. If not this, there will be better, bigger things in life. I should cross my fingers and attempt, not stall.
Its all in the mind.
I being great and you being nada...zilch
It is just a matter of you seeing me through rose colored glasses
and I seeing you through the gap between my fingers
Mere reflections we are..
I must let you get away from me
coz then and then alone I will realize my diminutiveness
and you will realize that you can touch the sky...
Its time I let myself go. I know not what I may do.