Interpreter of Maladies
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
nayi kavitakahin door mann bhatak raha hai
kehne ko to des naya hai
fir kyun tumko dhoondh raha hai
birhi mann fir bhatak raha hai
bandhan, rishte, naate chode
tumko choda tha jab maine
haath chuda kar bhaagi thi main
ban vihaag us door gagan mein
ahankaar yun chalak raha tha
meri vaani, mere mann mein
par ab kyun, sab lage adhoora
do nainon ke pinjare mein hi
acchi lagti hai ye maina
ye jeevan ab nahi mera hai
birhi mann fir bhatak raha hai
yahan nahi hai apna koi
bunein na aankhein sapna koi
chitthi mein main kya likh doon ki
kam ho jaaye apni doori
shaam ghaneri, baahein khole
mere aise asmanjas pe
dheere dheere kilak rahee hai
ye aankhein fir bilakh rahi hain
kehne ko to main swatantra hoon
par mann bandhan maang raha hai
kahin door mann bhatak raha hai
Saturday, April 23, 2005
My new laptop !!Being a non-techie (don't misunderstand, by qualification, I am an engineer) and a non-comp person at that, getting a laptop is a big event for me. I wanted to stick to the good old desktop but common sense (of my techie friends) pervailed over my cautious thought. Everyone told me that for a price different of 6-7K, I would be getting a laptop which would not only be lighter than a desktop but would serve the same purpose. Add woofer speakers and you have a music system. I listened, deliberated and then finally succumbed to majority. My new laptop is a Dell Inspiron (I don't know what that means !!) 600m (no idea abt these wierd numbers too). It is light and sleek and looks good. Though I have more ideas about aesthetics rather than functionality so I might be wrong on all counts. I just needed a comp like device which could play movies, music and help me with general computing functions. This system seems to fit my requirements but I thought and thought and thought before finally making the call. The laptop is on its way now (Dell has shipped it) and would be here in 2-3 days. I wonder, when I take it to the MBA school (which seems to be the big purpose right now), would people label me as a techie. I also wonder when people ask me about the configuration, I would be dumbfounded. So are the dilemmas of a non-techie and forced to be techie girl. I titled this blog as "My new laptop !!' when I began scribbling but as I am approaching the end, I have a strong inclination to change it to "me and my laptop-would we last?". Poor , confused me !!!
Friday, April 22, 2005
nayi nazmYe bhi kaafi puraani nazm to nahi hai. Magar haan, bilkul nayi bhi nahi kahenge ise. Ise likhne wala bhi koi Urdu fankaar nahi, Hindi ke ek mukhya kavi hain. Is nazm ki aakhiri line, "hamaare shahar mein '_'-saa koi mast na thaa" mein unka naam bhi chupa hai. Maine ise net par hi padha tha aur padh kar kaafi achraj hua tha ki hindi aur urdu kitne bandhe hue hain ek doosre se. Ek ko doosre se jod do to kavita aur sundar ban jaati hai. Sirf ek bhasha par atal raho to samajhne wale ko samajh nahi aata. Is nazm mein bhi, saral hindi aur saral urdu ko mila kar, bahut acchi ghazal likhi hai. The second last lines are my favorite. This is a thought that has not been presented very well in poetry but has lot of gravity to it. Lots of meanings.
door se door talak ek bhi darakht na tha
tumhaare ghar ka safar is qadar to sakht na tha
itane masaroof the ham jaane ki taiyaari mein
khade them tum aur tumhein dekhane ka vaqt na tha
main jis ki khoj mein khud kho gayaa tha mele mein
kahin vo mera hi ehasaas to kambakht na tha
jo zulm sah ke bhi chup rah gaya na khaul utha
vo aur kuch ho magar admi ka rakt na tha
unhin faqiron ne itihaas banaaya hai yahan
jin pe itihaas ko likhane ke liye vaqt na thaa
sharaab kah ke piyaa us ne zahar jivan bhar
hamaare shahar mein '_'-saa koi mast na thaa
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
prem pagi kavitaabki baar ek choti si kavita hai. Mere kaafi pasandeeda lekhak hain, jinki rachna hai ye....i am sure ye google search se bhi milna mushkil hai. isliye is baar shayad sincerely mujhe koi dhoondh kar batayega ki kiski rachna hai ye. ye ek sangrah ki kavita hai. jaisa samajh aa hi jaayega, yah radha krishna ke baare mein hai. Ab aap sochiye ye kiski kavita hai....
ghaat se lautate hue, teesare prahar ki alsaayi bela mein
maine aksar tumhein kadamb ke neeche, chupchap dhyanmagn khade paaya
maine koi agyaat vandevta samajh, kitni baar tumhein pranaam kar sar jhukaya
par tum khade rahe..adig, nirlipt, veetraag, nishchal
tumne kabhi use sweekara hi nahi
din par din beetate gaye aur maine tumhein pranaam karna tak chod diya
par mujhe kya maloom tha wah sweekriti hee atoot bandhan ban meri pranam baddh anjuliyon mein, kalaiyon mein is tarah lipat jaayegi ki kabhi khul hi nahee paayegi
mujhe kya maloom tha tum keval nishchal khade nahi the
tumhein mere pranam ki mudra aur mere haathon ki gati is tarah bhaa gayi thi ki
tum mere ek ek ang ki ek ek gati ko poori tarah baandhana chahte the
is sampoorna ke lobhi tum, bhala is pranam ko kyun sweekarate ?
mujh pagli ko dekho, main samajhti rahi ki tum kitne veetraag ho, kitne nirlipt
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Travelogue-IIThis first one week has been immersed in office work. With the high priority projects lined up for my stay I never imagined that I will have a fun weekend. The American food is grassy and raw and the Indian food is "bare minimum" Indian- Bland and half cooked. I am pining for home food and being a vegetarian and a non egg one at that has its failings, I completely understand. Friday was chaos in its full form. I got up at 7.30, just the time Vipul called me up to say thathe is ready and waiting for me in the lounge. I did a lucy show and somehow scraped in almost in time. On the same Friday, we had a 4 hours presentation starting right at 8 in the morning. 'Twas highly technical and not much of it made sense of it anyway. I bunked the other 2 hours session and I was glued to the laptop for the rest of the day as a deliverable had to go the same day. I knew we had to leave for Austin that very same evening but the work part was tough to manage and diffcult to accomodate. We left the office late in the evening and then picked a Mazda from the car rental. The drive to Austin was not much fun because 4 hours of continous driving is tough to enjoy after some time. So I tried to socialize with Vipul and he is quite easy going, easy to strike a conversation with. I played word loop with him on the way (which was like heights of boredom, I know he hated me for playing that infants' game with him).
Austin is lots of greenery and hills. The route from Dallas to Austin is pretty as there is good natural scenery around. But since it is US, you cant slide down the car window, otherwise the noise of the roaring wind would tear your ears apart. I am staying with my friend in Austin who has surprisingly lost a lot of weight and has become razor thin. This makes me so ashamed of myself, being the elephant that I have become, these days. She has also become a good cook and the rajmah chawal that she made on the evening I arrived, was yummy. Infact even the aloo paranthas she made on Sunday...were much better than the half cooked stuff that I can manage.
Friday, I guess, we chatted all night, doing a lot of catching up on each other. On Saturday, since I did want to see places around, we went to this theme ride park in Austin. I mean the "Essel World" kind of place. Lots of rides...good fun. My vertigo struck yet again and so I had my eyes firmly closed during the roller coaster or frisbee rides. End of day..I was dying to go off to sleep. Have never done a night out and a theme ride thing together, ever before this. Sunday, we were lazing around and doing more of chatting. I left in the evening and then Vipul and I had a good dinner at an Italian joint.
And now, today is Monday yet again. Vipul has already left for office and I am struggling with this post so that I could go too. There are meetings every second hour I guess, Tough day or Monday blues. Dont know what I should call this.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
safar mein dhoop-kiski nazm hai yeMy friend quizzed me on this one the day before, and since I am absolutely lazing around these days, I decided to exercise my brain a bit.
I found the answer after some groundwork. No googling please and no checking the back of record labels. Study the style and tell me if you can find the lyricist.
Safar mein dhoop to hogi jo chal sako to chalo
Sabhi hain bheed mein tum bhi nikal sako to chalo
Yehan kisi ko koi rasta nahin deta
Mujhe gira ke agar tum sambhal sako to chalo
Har ek safar ko hai mehfooz rasto ki talash
Hifazaton ki yeh aadat badal sako to chalo
Yehi hai zindagi kuch khwab chand umeedein
Inhi khilono se tum bhi behal sako to chalo
Kisi ke waaste raahen kahan badlti hain
Tum apne aapko hi badal sako to chalo
The best part of my US trip-as of now-was the flight over the Atlantic. The sight of the shimmering blue ocean as the sunlight kissed the folds in the waves; the feel of only glass between you and an unmeasurable expand of water; the delight of watching the ocean extend for miles and miles. I wished I never reach New York- that the flight from Heathrow to JFK just lasts forever, but sadly, I did land in NY. Instead of basking in the fresh air and bright sun down on the seaside, I was playing scrabble in the airport lounge...for ummm...around 6 hours !! The flight was good, except for the fact that I had a tussle going on in my upper storey about the job-mba fiasco. They had some good movies onboard-Sideways, Vera Drake-both are apparently nice and Meet the fockers which is banal yet fun anyways.
London looks a lot like a huge staircase from top. You have these organized rows of houses, painted red and black on top, all so neat, so well done. I think uniformity is the only theme that runs across London for me, because most of it, is so organized. That's one city I would love to visit. I have never seen live king, queen, prince et al and a royal palace and London might be the place which offers all of this.
I landed in New York on "some day" and "some time"-I am tired of rationalizing this whole time difference thing-and then set down to scan people around me. I wanted to buy a diet coke/pepsi/ice tea but then dumped the whole proposition of risking taking out my money in a foreign place (my Mom's best advice and it has come in handy most of the time). Most of the time was spent in scanning the people around me. The Indian girl right across me with a drum for a waist, was busy talking on the phone. Infact for all three hours, I witnessed her continued romance with her phone. She looked no better than a jerk, with a jeans that was so low, that it seemed it would slip down any minute and a top which could barely hide her obesity. I fail to understand..why fat girls love wearing clothes that flaunt their overweight figure??
Then, there was the young Indian girl behind the fat girl. She seemed lost and looked furtively towards the ticket check-in desk, wondering when they would announce boarding. There was a man glued to the TV screen, too busy devouring a McDonald food hamper. In short, just all kind of people around me. Fun, it was, to compare, contrast and collate my impressions at the airport.
The flight was brief and I spent my time stuck to a diet pepsi can, not doing much socializing around. My first view of Dallas-its very green-greener than Europe when I took the top view in. But then, that's what it is. Lots of skyscrapers, malls, wide roads, the lilting Texan accent and the comparatively high proportion of blacks among the hoi-polloi-yeah that's what Dallas is. I was confused about the baggage collection, infact, I sat on the terminal for 5 minutes wondering which side should the baggage collection point would be and then I saw the glass divider, across which ran the baggage belt. The taxi taking formality happened quite well and I reached the hotel in no time. It's nice-the hotel-the beds are cosy and springy and the internet connection is pretty fast. The bath supplies are pretty neat and the view from the window is pretty good too.
The food problem is still there. I still find myself helpless when it comes to pick food. I cant pick up food quite well and I just live on "grass". But let's see, with Vipul coming in tomorrow, I think I should get a li'l adventurous about food.
Would update later... :-)
Friday, April 08, 2005
quizzCame across this yesterday but yet to find out the source of these lines. Could anyone make a guess:
Zindagi Sirf Mohabbat Nahin Kuch Aur Bhi Hai
Zulf-o-Rukhsaar ki Jannat Nahi Kuch Aur Bhi Hai
Bhookh Aur Pyaas ki Maari Hui Is Duniya Mein
Ishq Hi Ek Haqeeqat Nahin Kuch Aur Bhi Hai
I know its an excerpt from a movie and its a poetry, not a song.
Take a guess.
Thursday, April 07, 2005
A songEver been in a situation where you don't find words to express what you feel...when there is pain but you are not able to find the right expression for it...when you have been hurt but don't want to hurt back...still the pain lingers on...this song works then...it does not have melancholy immersed in it but there is a lingering pain which you would identify with as the song progresses...the movie is guide and the singer is RAFI
din Dhal jaaye haay, raat naa jaaye
tuu to na aae terii, yaad sataaye
din Dhal jaaye
pyaar me.n jinake, sab jag chho.Daa, aur hue badanaam
unake hii haatho.n, haal huaa ye, baiThe hai.n dil ko thaam
apane kabhii the, ab hai.n paraaye
din Dhal jaaye haay ...
aisii hii rim-jhim, aisii fuvAre.n, aisii hii thii barasaat
khud se judaa aur, jag se paraaye, ham dono.n the saath
phir se vo saavan, ab kyuu.N na aaye
din Dhal jaaye haay ...
dil ke mere tum, paas ho kitanii
phir bhii ho kitanii duur
tum mujh se mai.n, dil se pareshaa.N, dono.n hai.n majabuur
aise me.n kisako, kaun manaaye
din Dhal jaaye haaye ...
The last bold lines are what create the maximum impact...the tragedy and the romance both entwined so perfectly. Its so simple and straight, yet seems so brilliantly written by Shailendra. In addition to that, the picturisation...Dev Anand drunk donwstairs and Waheeda upstairs...both living with their own regrets, complaints...listen to it if you haven't already.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
My Brother Nikhil - a nice watchIt was nice to go to the theatre to catch a movie after a long time. Since the past few weeks (or maybe months) have largely been devoted to the sardonic movie watching experience on the CD player/laptop. I like debut movies since you always have an element of surprise in them. Like you watch "EK DOOJE KE LIYE" and though the movie is full of flaws, the way Rati Agnihotri performs in her role, takes you by surprise...its her debut movie !! On similar lines, Onir's maiden work also surprises you. Its not grand, not absolutely heartfelt but is made honestly and makes a sincere attempt to stay away from the trite. Sanjay Suri (the model turned actor: credentials include JHANKAR BEATS) puts in a good performance. For a change, he gets to play shades much more varied than the "oh so charming, oh so nice" roles that he generally gets to play. Nikhil is a character, most people would identify with. The pampered boy, the ambitious man; in love with his family but wanting an identity of his own. Sanjay has brought out the multihued dimensions of Nikhil beautifully and I believe the most important part has been the transition (from the state swimming champion to the AIDS victim) phase. It doesn't make you sympathetic but you cringe with fear; the fear of being so close to death. Juhi has this mass sweetness aura and the movie plays well upon that. Juhi comes out well as the loving but strong sister of Nikhil. Victor Banerjee and Lilette Dubey fit their roles.
The lurking theme of the story also revolves around homosexuality, the misrepresented (like the way it was in PAGE 3 or the likes) and under-represented reality that the society hates to come face to face with. The chemistry between Nikhil and Nigel is enigmatic. No, there is no touching, no "hot" scenes or masala material but the relationship is majorly picturized in the extent to which Nigel is able to feel Nikhil's pain though I personally believe the role of Nigel could have been better enacted by someone other than Purab. The best part and I applaud the movie for this is, instead of discussing why Nikhil catches the HIV virus, the major discussion is around, what happens to him after he tests positive. Maybe, thats where PHIR MILENGE failed. There was too much attention at the justification of why Shilpa Shetty tests positive rather than the whole problem of AIDS as such.
The movie is picturised beautifully. Worth watching are the scenes shot in semi darkness, transparent blue around, and the locales of Goa beaches. Best scenes: the one where Viktor Banerjee is playing with his grandson and Lilette Dubey asks him, whether he not misses Nikhil. Or the one where Nikhil tries to seek solace in Juhi after his doctor informs him about him testing positive.
A good effort. I have a personal inclination for such movies and My Brother Nikhil does a better job than most of the flicks in this genre.