Interpreter of Maladies
Friday, November 26, 2004
a happy memoryThis is something that happened long time back. Why I am remembering it now, I dont know, but its alwasy been one of my happiest memories.
Long back, walking through the concrete streets of my college campus, I noticed this small little pup, crouching behind the thick foliage of the side bush. I like street dogs. Actually for no real reason as such. They just seem so lonely and vulnerable that they make an insecured entity like me feel much better (i know its a real sadist reason, but I wont lie). The pup was dirty and I could see the bacteria and fungus right through its fading fur coat. Yet, I couldnt take my eyes off it. It was annual fest time in my college and there were banners and streamers all around. Couples roaming hand in hand. Everyone so happy, so gay, except the poor little pup.
Time was running fast and I had lunch to catch at my hostel mess. So, forgetting the little pup and basking in the sudden revelation of at least somebody being less happy than me, I strode along. No sooner had I moved that I saw the little thing following me. Infact following is a small word, it was stalking me. At first, I felt sympathetic (read patronizing) but then it irritated me. I could see my classmates staring at me. So, I increased my pace and almost ran inside my hostel gates.
Doggy didnt go even then. I was clueless. I only know English or Hindi. Dog lingua is not something I know. Neither have I had any contact with dogs ever before. i just take sadistic pleasure in sympathizing with them. But this was different. The puppy was looking at me with watery eyes and I could feel that it needed me. Now need is an important thing. Nothing or nobody ever before has needed me the way it needed me then. The little selfish thing that I am, I did something absolutely unexpected. I paid for a bowl full of milk and two rotis and gave it to the puppy. The happiness and fulfillment that I felt on that day is almost unparalleled. I could feel proud of myself that day and thats something I have felt rarely before.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
After so much of cribibngLooking at the kind of comments I am attracting because I am cribbing day in and day out...for a change lemme try and write something happy.
About my home maybe. My home is not something which stands out, or has anything unique in it. It is a simple red brick house, unfinished, painted in white plaster, that too in patches. It has an orange door (look at the interesting camaraderie of colors) and a green lawn with a blue gate. I like my home because its a home, not just a house. I can see the small saplings I had planted in my lawn when I was a kid. I can see the imprints of my mom's henna tinted hands on the side wall. There is the jackfruit tree in the courtyard, something which has grown up with me, and has now stopped growing, stopped yielding fruit, and yet begging my folks to let it stay, just because it loves that place as much as I do.
My home is a part of me. I can smell myself in it when I knock the door. I can see that it loves me when it keeps my memories, even if they wither through the time.
Monday, November 22, 2004
BACK TO WORK :-( :-(you know i should have been better off living in hills...removed from civillization...I just hate to live in a crowd full of people, people and more people. I love my folks, love them so much that I wish there were companies in a laid back city like kanpur so that I could have been doing a job there...but alas god is unkind and so it makes engineers out of people like me and then makes them work in a crazy city like delhi where one week of work makes you pine to return back home.
I dont know why my folks and everybody around me thinks that I ought to do an MBA...I have no such fancies...infact I would be happy sitting in front of my work desk, do a work and be paid decently for doing it....but people...they just make you do nething...the other day I was asking a family friend perusing my horoscope, who was making predictions of unparalleled fame and titanic wealth for me....what would happen to me...am i really going to make it big someday ....and he with conviction dripping from his voice promised me so...
So chill baby...every dog has his day and mine would be there pretty soon...so I should stop sobbing and get back to work...poor, old work....
Thursday, November 04, 2004
poor me !!tujhse naraaz nahi zindagi hairaan hoon main.....
very strange how a bout of depression makes everything dark around you...thats what grief does for me.....it shrouds everything, even the things that are going terrific for me. I am the kind who cries for even the smallest of things. I am too clumsy at handling joy but grief is something that i have a masters degree in...too much pessimism and too much depression, thats what I am.
My friends would always tell me...that i cry because i dont have new shoes while i fail to look at people who dont even have feet to wear shoes on....i try to look...seriously....but then I somehow feel my sadness is so diproportionately huge that nothing can be compared to it...selfish....!!! very very selfish !!!
I kind of started planning my itinerary...and foremost among the must do things is....that I would improve myself mentally and physically....I would be a good girl now....who wont cry and make a song about petty things !!!
Monday, November 01, 2004
winter is here !!I was in a pretty bad mood last time...though things havent really perked up this time too...at least winter is around the corner...and that makes everything nice...even sad old delhi :-)
Plus, I am going home on friday for a loooooooong leave.....I have never actually taken a vacation for 15 days and actually gotten away from work...but it seems destined to be a work free holiday this time...havent really planned my itinerary...but i would sit on thursday night and make a long list of things i would positively do this time...
possibly make a trip to college or ruffle up some school memories...as i told you...nothing planned as yet....would see what to do....very soon....